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Another Great Season! Final Stats inside

Congrats to whatever auto-picking robot won this thing.  Anyway, the real stats are in, as illustrated below.

3 YEARS STRONG

The Woods

As I was hiking through my local greenbelt minding my own business, I turn a corner and ran into this.

Honorarium crotch shot

Week 4

Who wins?

The new points are up.  Here are the overall points rankings.

They wont get out.

Week 2 power rankings.

Flynn

It's a terrible idea to stock your fantasy team with free-agent has-beens. It's particularly, especially retarded when your projected points are hovering around the 50 mark.

Really, what are the odds that any of these guys are going to get picked up? Odds are better that you'll be blown by an alien than one of these guys will start...

Yeah, all that's true. Except sometimes...

Sometimes there is a man of faith. Sometimes there is a man that sees beyond the facts. A man that casts aside all reason and doubt. A man who flies solely on a broken promise made long ago. A man that can look past all the traumatic knee injuries and severed tendons. A man that sees the diamond in the coal.

That man is Flynn [ golf clap ].

Week 2 - Division results

Ahhhh, week 2. We kinda knew what was going to happen and then it kinda did. We knew that the Texans would do O.K. and that all the free agents on the Sealions wouldn't. Week 2, it mattered a lot while you were in it, but much like losing your virginity, it was way better in your mind and you'll soon forget all about it

Sleep Apnea pulls out a win with 484.5 points. No surprise when they almost hit 300 with just 1/2 of their guys. With those 2 batshit scores they would have still won even if they had the Sealions!

Our home team, Anth0nysucks.com, takes a solid 2nd place just 17 points behind Apnea. You should note, dear readers, that if Kapernick would have kept his throwing arm out of his own ass for a few seconds of Sunday night's clusterfux, Anth0nysucks.com would have pulled out the win.

In one of those classic 'flying too close to the sun' scenarios It's Not Wash crashes from 1st place to barely 3rd, 70+ points behind this week's 2nd place. If it wasn't for the Heisenbergs representing the bad end of the bell curve these guys would have turned in a deserved dead-ass-last.

Here is the shocker of the week: the division with the most unsigned free-agents sucked the most. The Heisenbergs are excelling at being shitty, their division dominated by a big 1-1 record followed closely by the rest of the division at 0-2. I'm pretty sure that Sergio will be able to beat most of these kids in week 8.

Week 1 Power Rankings

Mrs. Jones

At first when I was thinking about my opponent this week, I was very confident in my chances of winning. I was pretty much not worried at all.

But then I found reason to be scared because I didn't realize he was so qualified. Damn....I wish I didn't have to play him after watching this:

Oh well. I guess that's one loss on my record....but one win for the league. Enjoy!

Thanks to my signed Chihuahuas for the tip!

Five Dollars

Anthony and I have decided to put 5 bucks on this weeks LamePicks. Only for this weeks results (nothing to do with last weeks points). If any of you care to get in, just comment below.

Day 1 is looking good for me:

I hope your mustache is neatly trimmed...

... cause you're gonna be giving me a ride this week.  Retribution for losing the trophy is at hand!

How can someone who spends so much time fantasizing about men in lycra be so bad at picking out a fantasy team? I mean, they're all wearing skin-tight highwater pants so if Anthony was ever destined to succeed at anything it's this. I guess he did win his week one but he had the pole position in the draft so you HOPE he's going to win the opener. Lets review the clusterfuck that led to his victory by default in 2012 and his status as the most hated man in fantasy football.

Week 1 - Loss
Week 2 - Win by 90 points. There is no explanation for this horseshit.
Week 3 - Loss
Week 4 - Loss
Week 5 - Loss
Week 6 - Loss
Week 7 - 10 point spread, hardly counts as a win
Week 8 - 5 point squeaker. Basically a loss
Week 9 - Played Evan who had abandoned his team at this point and who started several bye week players.
Week 10 - Loss
Week 11- whatever. At this point, the rest of the season really doesn't matter. It's obvious that there was some sort of mathematical error on ESPN's part.

RIP

Week 1

Congratulations to the winning team “IT’S NOT WASH”.  We want to send out a special congratulations to Chad for really pulling it together and supporting his division.  Who says autopick can’t win wars?!? AMIRITE?  It is now up to you 4 superstars to make a decision.  Will it be door number 2?

Winning Divisions: each team will receive their option of any single item below (per week):

(1) a group ‘shopped’ photo of themselves
(2) a group ‘shopped’ photo of the losing(est) team shopped into a specific situation

(3) an endurance mountain bike lessons from our very own Thad.

(4) level 3 Chihuahua lessons from Anthony.

(5) a buff or not assessment and diet plan from Tim.

(6) how to Linux by Brian

(15) how to math by Matt

(8) 1/4 hour of PTO

In second place we find “Sleep Apnea”; a team that really came close to taking gold. The only issue we see and one they can certainly improve on with a little gumption is the fact that Nathan, Matt, Brad and Andrew are all members of the division. Hopefully they can take one for the team and draft new managers.  Though we did give them the golden waffle.

In third place, your very own Anth0nySucks.com.  The team worked hard to get the points, though we found ourselves working closely with a Yankee, who’s score was anything but north.  Here is your waffle.

In last place, The Heisenbergs! After our interview with them last night, it was apparent that each and every one of them deserve special care.  We tried to give them some advice on scoring, though they only wanted more ice cream.  We are looking into bringing Jesse back into the fold.

So, that was shit

When you're happy to get a 3rd string with no points projected just because his name sounds 'funny'...

FUCKING REALLY?

Last year's douchecanoe winner gets first round pick this year? How many handy-js did that take you to secure?

Fuck.That.